I Don't Love You Anymore?
by Rainstar of LightningClan
Summary: SLASH! Chris Jericho/Irvine tries to win back the man he loves, after breaking his heart. Chris POV throughout. Shawn/Chris I don't usually do songfics, so I apologize if it stinks.


**A/N: Ok, so I heard this song playing today, and instantly I realized I had to write a fic for it. Now, normally I don't even read Songfics, and I apologize if this is crappy. I tried on it, but, I'm not used to writing Songfics, even if they aren't that different from normal fics. **

**BIG QUESTION! I've been trying to find this fic that starts with(like in the 1st or 2nd chapter) about Chris Benoit's death. Taker was in a secret relationship with him, and no one but Rey and Shawn knew(or found out, or something like that) and then when Chris died, he was devastated. He eventually starts to take a liking to Jeff Hardy, and that's where I stopped reading, but I'm pretty sure there were more chapters after that. The other main pairing in it was Rey/Shawn and Shawn had a rubber chicken named Fred. (XD) I have been trying to find this fic, because my comp. shut down before I could fav/alert/etc. it, so, now if any of you know what this fic's called or where it is, I will love you forever!!! Anyways, onto the story!  
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_I can't hide the way I feel about you anymore  
I can't hold the hurt inside, keep the pain out of my eyes anymore_

I stare at him as he walks by me, pretending he doesn't see me. That seems to be the way he wants things to be. I hate that he still does this to me. I hadn't bargained for this when I left him. I expected to hurt for...maybe a few days, and then I would move on. Unfortunately, this isn't what happened. I physically ached when I saw him afterwards, and it was starting to get worse. I wanted to be near to him again, but, why should he take me back? I knowingly broke his heart. I wanted to injure him, and it'd worked.

_My tears no longer waiting, my resistance ain't that strong__  
__My mind keeps recreating a life with you alone__  
__And I'm tired of pretending, I don't love you anymore_

However, in injuring him, I'd torn myself apart. I'd cried for a little while afterwards. "All par for the course," I'd thought, figuring it was just human to cry, and then, like I'd hoped, I would move on. No, I cried for a couple days after that, and then days stretched to weeks and as I'd lay my head down to sleep, I would remember the months I'd spent with him. Every intimate moment, every touch, every kiss, our own private world. I imagine what could've happened if I hadn't been stupid, what our lives could've been. But now, I just didn't feel like I could continue the charade of my indifference towards him. I could feel the old burning in my heart when I'd see him, like I had just now.

_Let me make one last appeal to show you how I feel about you  
'Cause there's no one else I swear that holds a candle anywhere next to you_

_My heart can't take the beating, not having you to hold_  
_A small voice keeps repeating deep inside my soul  
It says I can't keep pretending I don't love you anymore_

Sure, I tried to move on. I found a new flame, but, we didn't last long. He got frustrated with the fact that I couldn't get over /him/, that I was always so distant. I guess it was a good thing he'd left me, because, I would've hurt him, just like I hurt the one who I thought I didn't love. However I tried, I couldn't get the thought out of my head, it kept telling me to try, to stop being an idiot. What did I have to lose? I'd already lost all my life, my other half. If I tried again, I would either win him back, or go on living like I am now. Things could get better or stay the same.

_I've got to take the chance or let it pass by  
If I expect to get on with my life__ take_ the chance or let it pass by

I get up from where I've been sitting, absently staring at a spot on the wall. I walk into the locker room where I saw you disappear into earlier. I ease into the room quietly, and you don't even hear me. You're facing away from me, putting your stuff into your bag.

"Hey," I call softly.

You turn with a start, and then your eyes narrow as you see that it's me. "What do you want, Chris?" you ask, with a thin layer of politeness, just barely coating your anger.

"I…I need to talk to you," I stammer. Now that I'm face to face with the situation I'm scared stiff.

"That's obvious," you murmur, and you go to turn around, towards your bag again.

I sigh. "I'm sorry," I mutter.

You turn, staring at me incredulously. "What?" you ask, disbelief obvious in your voice. You know I'm not the type to apologize, I don't blame you for thinking you heard me wrong.

"I said, I'm sorry. I was an idiot. I loved you, and I broke your heart. I was terrified of getting involved with you, because I was afraid of…everything. I hadn't ever been in love before, and it scared me shitless," I ramble off._  
_

You stare at me, shock evident on your features. I'm guessing that you never thought you'd hear me say that in a million years. "Wh-What are you saying?" you ask me, as if you're barely daring to hope.

"I'm saying. No, I'm asking, if you'll take me back Shawn?" I ask, my eyes showing the pain that had glistening in them from the day I told you 'good-bye.'

You assess me for another moment before you come closer to me. "Why should I?"

I knew this question was coming, I deserve that. But, it still hurt like a bullet. "I don't know. If I were you, I wouldn't think I was worth it. I broke your heart, and then proceeded to act like I didn't care. I was an ass, and you deserve better, but, I ache when I'm near you and know that I can't hold you, so, I have to try, at least," I say, sounding pathetic enough to my own ears that I drop my head, unable to meet your gaze.

I guess it wasn't pathetic to you though, I guess it was what you needed to hear, because, the next thing I felt is one of your hands on my shoulder and the other lifting my face up. "I love you, Chris." That's all you say before your lips are on mine in a soft kiss that shows just how much, with out sensual feelings, your words are true. In a few heartbeats though, your lips are off mine, and you're just gazing at me, your eyes now gleaming with an unrestrained happiness that takes my breath away. Then, suddenly your expression changed. "But, Chris, you have to promise me, that you won't break my heart again. I…I don't think I could take that again," you say, looking at me steadily, ready to brace yourself if my answer isn't what you hope it to be.

As if I could answer any other way, "I promise, I will never break your heart, Shawn. I love you." I said solemnly, and mean every word with my whole being.

_My tears no longer waiting, my resistance ain't that strong  
My mind keeps recreating a life with you alone  
And I'm tired of pretending I don't love you anymore_

Then tears make your eyes glisten and I can't help but have the same reaction upon looking at your expression of total and un-dying love. I knew I would come back to you. I think, even the day after I left you, deep in my mind I knew. I simply wasn't strong enough to leave you. /Really/ leave you. And, I'm glad I'm not. Now, I can have you forever, and can hold you whenever I want. I can share private moments—like we used to—with you again. I no longer have to pretend that I don't love you anymore.

_Anymore_

_Anymore_

_**P.S. A new chapter for "Hidden Desires" is coming! I apologize for being so late! Dx But, I've been re-inspired. Bye! Oh yeah, and review if you want, you can also tell me how much it sucks. xD Bye again!**_


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